Jessica. 17. Taken. Rest in the sweetest peace Tommy, I miss you so fucking much.

  • 90s Animal Planet: Animals are cool, kids! They can be your friends! But watch out, some are dangerous! Ooh, watch Jeff Corwin handle the most venomous snake in Africa! Aw, look at the tiger babies! Oh, let's learn about conserving the environment! Remember kids, we must respect this planet, because it's the animals' home as well!
  • 2013 Animal Planet: ANIMALS WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. And guess what? PARASITES WILL TOO! Yes I know those aren't really animals, I guess. OH YEAH HERE'S SOME PSEUDO-SCIENCE ABOUT BIGFOOT. He's an animal too, right? WATCH THIS WOMAN GET EATEN BY HER PET CHIMPANZEE. ANIMALS ARE SCARY, KIDS. BE CAUTIOUS AROUND YOUR PET LIZARD OK. oh look kittens!
  • ~~~~~
  • 90s History Channel: Here kids, we're gonna talk about this society today. History from all time periods and all countries. Isn't this stuff fascinating? Watch us dig up a tomb!
  • Early 2000's History Channel: So there's this guy named Hitler. And he's pretty bad. Let us tell you how bad Hitler is. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. More Hiltler. Hey have you heard about this guy named Hitler?
  • 2013 History Channel: Aliens moonshiners aliens rednecks aliens pawnshops aliens aliens aliens hey have we mentioned aliens because aliens
  • 2014 History Channel: Was Hitler an Alien?

dimedog:

look at this fucked up bird

image

what the fuck

shikarius:

Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:

"Ah, it’s Shark Week?" = "Ah, you started your period?"

"Harpoons on deck?" = "Do you have enough pads/tampons/etc?"

"Chum stocks are holding?" = "Do you need chocolate/midol?"

"Supplies are low cap’n" = "Yes, please."

"What kind (of shark) is it?" = "How do you feel?"

  • "It’s a Nurse Shark" = "I’m fine/not bad"
  • "GREAT WHITE OFF THE STARBOARD BOW" = "FUCKING OW"

“You only missed my voice
when nobody else called you.”

Y.Z, A ten word story on being a second choice (via blxckside)

lordofthejohnlock:

my celebrity crushes always start with “who the hell is this” and always turn into “that’s his right nostril I can tell”

lordofthejohnlock:

my celebrity crushes always start with “who the hell is this” and always turn into “that’s his right nostril I can tell”

notifigaytion:

if finland’s country border isnt called the finnish line then i have nothing to live for

riddlemehiddleston:

riddlemehiddleston:

I’M HOME ALONE AND MY PARENTS FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE PAINTING OUR HOUSE SO I’VE BEEN REENACTING LES MIS AND I JUST VIOLENTLY THREW OPEN THE WINDOW TO YELL ‘CANNONS’ AND THE POOR GUY NEARLY FELL OFF HIS STEPLADDER

DON’T YOU DARE REBLOG THIS I MIGHT GET SUED 

burritolover97:

eyebrow game strong? more like eyeBAG game strong. i’m fucking exhausted. haha lol